Cheapness

[magid]

Suppose I know that [item] is just what you want for the GAuGE (Great American Gift Exchange*), and I get [item] for you. But I used my mad shopping skillz to get [item] at a severe discount. Does this mean I should get you another something to make up for spending less on you, or I should just give you the original item, knowing it's perfect for you, and that's enough? Does it matter if you, the recipient, find out how much I paid?


* time to evaluate all sorts of things....

Comments

[ruthling.livejournal.com]

If you get a good price, everyone wins! If you want to return that windfall to the recipient of the gift, do so, but not under any obligation. If I was the recipient, I'd be thrilled and amused to find out you got a good price. If folks on your give-things-to list might not feel that way, don't let them find out :)

[magid.livejournal.com]

I tend to assume people will be happy with the thing, rather than the price, but a discussion with an orker made me think I might not be understanding gift-giving etiquette properly. I'm glad it looks like, for my friends, anyway, I was on the mark.

(Last year I gave someone the results of my first bid on eBay, which turned out to cost more for S&H than for the thing. The recipient was curious, and got a kick out of knowing. So I knew I wasn't totally alone.)

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

I for one think the original gift is fine. If I were to find out you got it at a discount I would praise your l33t shoppin9 skillz. The item is what's important, not the price of the item.

[magid.livejournal.com]

That's how I think, too. Wasn't sure if some people have a $ scorecard or something.

(To me, it's the thought engendered in the item at least as much as the item. That someone took the time to figure something out makes me feel cared about.)

[cellio]

The value in the gift is the value perceived by the recipient, not the number on the sales slip. I mean, take this to its logical conclusion: suppose you made something by hand from inexpensive ingredients -- would that gift be less valuable? Of course not. Your skill is part of the package, whether it's creation or procurement. And hey, if you just got lucky, so much the better!

I should probably mention that I hate the dollar-equity approach to gifts anyway, so I come to this with a prejudice. I'm not interested in score-cards.

[magid.livejournal.com]

*nod*
I'm not particularly into dollar-equity myself*. And something made by a friend is always more valued than a mass-produced something (which I could theoretically buy for myself).

The trigger for this was a book sale at work, a fund-raiser for the United Way, after which I was talking about gifting people. An orker said something about supplementing, since the books had been so cheap (I got 27 new books for $22). I thought of it more as a win-win-win situation: the charity got money, I got a bargain (ahem, excuse me, a "bahgan". Since I work in Boston proper now :-), and if I give gifts, they're interesting new books that will be enjoyed (assuming I've guessed right, that is).

* Though there have been times when an extreme dollar inequity (by an order of magnitude) made me uncomfortable.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Goodness, anyone who takes the time to figure out how much a gift that they were given cost ... doesn't deserve to get one gift, let alone two!

[magid.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

I haven't done much gift exchanging until the last couple of years, so I sometimes wonder if there are unspoken norms I've missed. (Er, other than the idea that one should wrap presents nicely. I seem to be wholly lacking that gene.)

[cutieperson]

i'd be thrilled with the gift and how you were able to get it at a good price.

one of my favorite holiday gifts ever is a twisty blue vase. my sister got it at the dollar store. it might not even have cost that much :)

[magid.livejournal.com]

I tend to think of them as shopping triumphs, myself. Which make good stories, if told well :-).

Twisty blue vase: glass? ceramic? (trying to form a picture in my head and failing utterly).
And it's great that your sister got something so perfect for you. To me it shows how someone cares, to know you so well.

[cutieperson]

shopping triumphs, yes!

the vase is glass, and sort of similar to this, though a bit more square. and the whole of it twists, if that makes sense.

also found this vase while searching. neat! and perfect for geeks.

[magid.livejournal.com]

That first one makes me think of a stylish lady swirling her long fur stole.

And the geek vases are a very neat idea, not only for travelers, but toys at home, too. Hmmmm...

[curly-chick.livejournal.com]

I love shopping victories, including getting something cool at a discount. So I vote for getting the *thing* whatever it is, and not sweating the cash.

[magid.livejournal.com]

Hee! I'd think I'd only be sweating the cash if it were overpriced, not discounted! :-)

[queue.livejournal.com]

The only situation where I've seen people worry about this is parents of more than one kid wanting to spend equal amounts on each kid.

[magid.livejournal.com]

Point. I think my mom's approach was more of the "one hardcover for you, one hardcover for him", without really paying attention to precise dollar amounts.

[surrealestate.livejournal.com]

Unless there was some sort of important guideline regarding how much you were supposed to spend, I don't see any problem with giving them a gift they wanted that you found at a discount. Everybody wins!

If *you* think you should spend more on a particular person, though, go ahead. A plus of finding items on sale can be that you have the option of buying more without blowing your budget.

And besides, money isn't everything. A hard to find item might be cheap, but the time and effort that goes into finding it is worth, imho, more than the dollars.

[magid.livejournal.com]

You know, I think the only time I've had guidelines about how much to spend it was "up to $x", so it wouldn't be an issue to spend very little.

I haven't thought much about amounts spent on particular people, actually. I don't have an intuitive idea of what to spend, so it usually comes down to what I see that fits the person.

And definitely yes about time and effort.

[treacle-well.livejournal.com]

just give the original item, knowing it's perfect, and that's enough.

For me, it wouldn't matter how much you paid (even if I found out).

[magid.livejournal.com]

*nod*

Now I have to hone my abilities so I can find the Perfect Thing reliably...

[aliza250.livejournal.com]

It's not how much it cost *you* - it's how much it would have cost *me* to get it for myself. (Assuming, of course, that we're keeping score on gift prices/acquisition efforts, which is fairly antithetical to the whole notion of gifts...)

[magid.livejournal.com]

Different utility functions, definitely. I hadn't thought of it using that frame. Thanks.

I don't keep score, except in a very general way: if I think that one of us (thinking of me and friend X) gets a lot more than gives (or vice versa), that feels uncomfortable. Though really, that's a comment on the whole relationship, not just gifts...