A thing that happened
Jan. 28th, 2013 03:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magidI was a not-large gathering of people. Partway through, someone yelled at me because I didn't know something zie expected me to know. I understood why I did not have the information, and explained, but that wasn't enough for $Yeller. A bit later, $ThirdParty apologized on behalf of $Yeller, saying that while zie's behavior was understood in a smaller group context, it wasn't appropriate for someone zie didn't know well. And in fact, $Yeller was apparently sat on, since after that, $Yeller apologized to me, albeit without any eye contact (is zie on the Aspeberger's spectrum? or super-annoyed to have been forced into an apology? a mixture of the two? I was unable to read this.), and using the same words zie used for the group right afterwards.
It took me a while to figure out why the whole thing bothered me. I was surprised by being yelled at, but it didn't actually hurt, because I knew I couldn't have had the wanted information. The apology left me very curious about the person who tendered it, just because I wasn't able to get a read. But in the end, what really bothered me was $ThirdParty's apology. Not that the apology was offered, but because it came with the explanation that basically said that $Yeller is given a free pass on this bad behavior when in a smaller group. To me, that just reinforces patterns that are not acceptable, making it that much harder to keep from happening with other people. It made me realize that I was not so interested in joining that smaller group if this kind of thing is put up with.
It took me a while to figure out why the whole thing bothered me. I was surprised by being yelled at, but it didn't actually hurt, because I knew I couldn't have had the wanted information. The apology left me very curious about the person who tendered it, just because I wasn't able to get a read. But in the end, what really bothered me was $ThirdParty's apology. Not that the apology was offered, but because it came with the explanation that basically said that $Yeller is given a free pass on this bad behavior when in a smaller group. To me, that just reinforces patterns that are not acceptable, making it that much harder to keep from happening with other people. It made me realize that I was not so interested in joining that smaller group if this kind of thing is put up with.