The vegetable cast of characters

The stab victim: red beet (bleeding out...)
The prickly poison victim: artichoke
The stalker: celery
The brute: Brussels sprout (a club of them)
The brain: cauliflower
The private investigator: potato (all those eyes)
The Southern belle: sweet potato
The mourner: onion
The charity case: rutabaga
The golf pro: parsnip
The triplets: peas
The UFO enthusiast: kohlrabi
The Dead Head: chioggia beet (tie-dyed forever!)