Regifting

[magid]

Yesterday I saw a Macy's ad on a bus with the slogan "Regifting is for wimps". My initial reaction: no, it's not, and what an obvious sort of commercial, playing off people's insecurities. And then in today's Globe there's an article on regifting, the etiquette thereof, etc. Perhaps it's my thriftiness/cheapness/frugality coming to the fore, but it just doesn't seem like that big a deal.

I've always thought that if someone gave me a gift that I didn't need/ already had one/ was the wrong size and not returnable/ was inconvenient in some way or another (Where to put that life-sized stuffed baby elephant?), it was perfectly acceptable to give it to someone else, if I thought the next recipient would enjoy it. I don't know that I'd go tell the original giver, but if they asked about it, I would tell them why I'd regifted, and that would be that.

Of course, it matters more to me what other people think about this one, since you/they would be the pool of recipients and/or original givers. So.... what do you think about regifting? Is it perfectly ok? Is it ok only as long as no one twigs on to what you're doing? Is it ok only if there's a significant amount of time before regifting? Or is it completely anathema?

Comments

[mangosteen]

Regifting is completely okay, as far as I'm concerned.

It's a thing. You're giving it to someone else as a gift, because you thing they'd like it. How you came into possession of said thing (as long as it was of legal means) doesn't really matter, as far as I'm concerned.

[bitty.livejournal.com]

regifting can work. but it needs to be done tactfully, of course. the outlaws have a habit of regifting without paying attention to the origin of the gift, and that causes problems.
right now, they gave BB a cribbage board for his birthday. we already have one. in fact, we had two, but it seems we gave away the other one when moving. so now we need to regift a perfectly good new cribbage board to someone, but have to be careful where it goes.

[queue.livejournal.com]

Heh. My Dad regifted something to my sister . . . that my sister had given him.

I think regifting is fine.

[cellio]

I think it depends on what it is and, particularly, how much individualized thought/effort went into it.

At one extreme, if I had spent tens or hundreds of hours making some craft thing or other (most likely to be a painting in my case) for someone close to me, I'd be pretty unhappy if I saw it in someone else's house. It's a unique item, so the possibility that these people also just happen to have one is not a factor.

At the other extreme, if I bring a food contribution to a friend's party -- even if it's, say, a nice bottle of wine, not some cheapo bag of chips -- I am not bothered in the least if that friend in turn passes it on to someone else. (And I have certainly been known to pass on food gifts I cannot use; I don't know what it is with one particular set of relatives and hams/sausages. But in those case I don't use it for a gift slot; I just pass the stuff on sans occasion, because I want to explain how I came to have it.) Or, if I give someone a CD he already owns, and we can't exchange the duplicate, it doesn't bother me at all if he gives it to someone else.

Of course, the extremes rarely apply; that's why they're called extremes. I'd say that the more tuned a gift is to a person, or the more unusual it is, the less appropriate it is for recycling. Fairly generic things -- the sweater that doesn't fit (or that you say doesn't fit because you wouldn't be caught dead in something that ugly), the CD from a group you don't like, the DVD you already own, etc -- are all fine candidates for being passed on to another home.

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

I'm fine with regifting, though my family tends to look at gifts as redeemable certificates, good for something else you might want at a store that carries the item. With Janet's family however, a gift is a GIFT, and no matter how little use the gift might actually be, it would have never occurred to her to return it. For two years, she was using a shrinkwrapped "Programming Cobol" book set as a paperweight because a well-meaning relative had known she was learning programming and thought it might be useful. It took awhile, but I finally found a place to return it. :)

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

I'm a practicalist, much like you.

[magid.livejournal.com]

See, that's just it; I don't see what the problem is (in general, of course, barring certain caveats other people have pointed out below).

Interestingly, the article mentions that people on either coast are much more likely to regift than those in the middle of the country. I wonder why there's a geographic distinction.

[magid.livejournal.com]

It sounds like the outlaws don't have a problem with regifting, but gifting in general (ie choosing not just an appropriate gift but one the recipient doesn't already have....). Of course, their gifting problem leaves you with a regifting situation, but I think you're much less likely to turn the cribbage board into the proverbial fruitcake.

[magid.livejournal.com]

Definitely a classic family story in the making :-). Did she ever tell him?

*ponders what to regift in your general direction*
*grin*

[bitty.livejournal.com]

heh. the trick is finding out who doesn't already have a cribbage board who would use one.

[queue.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she told him. I forget any other details of the story. You should ask her the next time you see her.

You can regift me that painting you got from Cat :-)

[magid.livejournal.com]

You're right about certain unique items being pretty much un-regiftable (I'm lucky that the art I was given last year was not only made by friends, but also totally to my taste :-). Fortunately or not, it seems that the vast majority of presents exchanged during the Season of Holiday Shopping are mass-produced, so fall into the easily-regifted category.

(In re: meat as gifts: the sister of a friend was gifted, along with the rest of the family, with a product called "Yard o' Beef". She's vegetarian...)

I'm curious: I didn't know you paint. What media do you use? What do you like to paint?

You reminded me of a situation that could've been awkward. Friend A helped me (finally) get paintings hung at my house, including putting up two small paintings by her friend, B. Some years later, B stayed with me overnight, and was surprised to see her paintings at my house. It turned out she'd forgotten about them. She was very nice and said things about being happy I liked them, wanted them up, etc, but now I start to wonder if she was making the best of the situation...

[magid.livejournal.com]

The next time I see her, eh? That could be some time indeed, if past performance is any indication of future events :-).

*You* could regift *me* the painting you got from Cat.

Hey, Cat, planning on doing any more watercolors...?

[magid.livejournal.com]

That shouldn't be too hard in a card-gaming sort of group.

[magid.livejournal.com]

I don't know the last time I returned an item to a store (if I ever have, even); it seems like much more bother than I'm likely to go to. Gift certificates, on the other hand, will eventually get used. (Though it can take me a while; I seem to have a disorder in that the anticipation of what to choose somehow has more utility than actually choosing something. I wonder how common this is.)

I didn't think they even *had* books on programming COBOL in print any more; in some backward sort of way, I'm impressed that the relative managed to find it. Congrats on finding a place to redeem it for something less paperweight-ish.

[magid.livejournal.com]

Sounds like this one falls into the nurture over nature category...

[bitty.livejournal.com]

I forgot to specify "discreetly."

[hrafn.livejournal.com]

Er, why, yes, I am. Soemtime. In the future. Yes - that's a good plan. In the future. I have to . . . go wash my hair now.

[geekosaur]

I didn't think they even *had* books on programming COBOL in print any more

They do. They're even "up to date" ("object-oriented" COBOL, "visual" COBOL, HTML and XML with COBOL...). It's become the computer version of the fruitcake.

[magid.livejournal.com]

Heh. I guess I think of it as what my mom learned in school, and used mainly in aging mainframes. (Which is not to imply that my mom has an aging mainframe :-).
Time to revise that bit of brain.

[magid.livejournal.com]

Always good to plan to do things in the future :-).

Happy shampooing!
*grin*

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

I dunno, you like chopped liver a lot more than I do :)

[magid.livejournal.com]

Which means chopped liver falls into the nature category, right?

(For the record, there's a brand of eggplant-based non-chopped-liver that's wonderful; I have that a lot more than the pate itself.)

[magid.livejournal.com]

Ask now and hope they forget in the next two weeks?

[cellio]

(In re: meat as gifts: the sister of a friend was gifted, along with the rest of the family, with a product called "Yard o' Beef". She's vegetarian...)

Oops. I take it this was from someone who should have known better?

I'm curious: I didn't know you paint. What media do you use? What do you like to paint?

Lately, not much. I used to do a lot of scrolls in the SCA -- so pieces of art based on medieval/renaissance illumination (like in books of hours and similar manuscripts). This doesn't have a lot of non-SCA practical applications, except that some of those pages are almost entirely art, so I could conceive of doing a painting like that as a gift to a non-SCA person. (Or pressing a friendly calligrapher into service to letter a short poem and illuminate that, or something.) I use guaches mainly, and india ink for inking, on heavy acid-free paper. I've worked with gold leaf a little but that's hard and I'm not very good, so I tend toward gold paint instead.

I've fallen out of the habit, having realized that I'm not that good and my vision makes some ought-to-be-simple tasks into nuisances. But I owe a good friend a piece (gotta poke the calligrapher), and I'm actually trying to teach a friend some so that someone will get some benefit out of my years of playing with this stuff. :-)

I've found that I enjoy drawing more than painting, so I could see myself getting into charcoals or colored pencils or prismacolor or something like that. I'd like to learn how to draw people and animals better someday. I could also see myself doing fantasy-oriented stuff like you see at cons -- not to sell (there's that "not very good" factor again) but as gifts for particular friends.

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

It must. My parents certainly never ate the stuff, and I love it. :)

[magid.livejournal.com]

The impression I have is that it was from someone who, had they thought, would've realized, but was doing the "generic gift to all family members" thing.

I should've guessed you illuminated pieces for the SCA; that fits. I definitely think of that as art, which doesn't need "practical" applications, other than beauty.

I don't know the practical difference between working with gold leaf and gold paint, though just from the sound of it paint would be easier, just another color of the regular paint you use.

Is there an adult ed place nearby? I have a friend who took a figure drawing class locally, and seemed pleased with it (Er, in your copious free time...).

[magid.livejournal.com]

Yum. People just don't understand what they're missing!
:-)

[cellio]

I don't know the practical difference between working with gold leaf and gold paint

Paint, as you said, just involves doing what you're already doing with a different color.

For gold leaf, you have to treat the surface first -- optionally build up a raised area for that 3-D effect, and apply a binder regardless. Then you take thin sheets of delicate, expensive gold, lay them gently on top of the treated area, and make them stick. The process is sensitive to humidity, so this isn't a sure thing. And breathing on the sheet mid-air can have unfortunate results.

There are actually two kinds of gold leaf, what I just described and a kind where the sheet is on a backing (glassine, like those envelopes that stamps used to come in). For the latter, instead of moving the sheet through the air with tweezers, you take the sheet and plop it down, gold side down, and peel away the backing. The reason anyone bothers with the former kind is that you can get a much better shine out of it when you burnish it -- or so I'm told, anyway. But even if you use the stuff with the backing, you still have the problem of getting the humidity and binder just right. When these things aren't just right you can get flaking, or irregular globs, or the like. You usually add multiple layers of the gold anyway, so in small amounts that's not a problem, but it can be annoying. And sometimes the answer is "too humid today; try again tomorrow", which sucks if you're in a hurry. And you need to do the gold leaf first, becasue otherwise the leaf will stick to your painted areas.

Is there an adult ed place nearby?

Yeah -- but as you guessed, it's the "copious free time" thing. :-) Someday...

[magid.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the explanation; I hadn't realized that working with gold leaf was anywhere near as finicky as it is. I suppose the effect is enough different, or there's a snob factor, else everyone would be using the paint.

adult ed

Well, if you take a break from one group or another, there might be time to fit in a class...

OK, and to take this totally and completely off-topic (as if it already weren't, just a bit :-), are you planning to come to Arisia this year?
If so, I might have to get the cookies I saw at Bread&Circus/Whole Foods: Monica's brand.

[cellio]

I suppose the effect is enough different, or there's a snob factor, else everyone would be using the paint.

The effect is somewhat different. You can buff gold leaf to a bright shine, and no matter what you do with paint, there'll always be brush strokes visible to anyone who looks closely. And yeah, there's a snob factor too -- only the real stuff, not the paint, for the duke's personal prayer book etc. :-)

OK, and to take this totally and completely off-topic

Oh, like that's unusual for us. :-)

Arisia: Sadly, I think I'm leaning against this year, though I guess I've got a couple weeks to change my mind and still get an affordable plane ticket. There's something big, important, and hectic going on at work (due in February), but it looks like I'm not very involved. And it would only be one vacation day. Hmm. (I'll probably end up wussing out -- while I'd love to see the folks up your way, I also hate travelling.)

[bitty.livejournal.com]

that works with bubblebabble, but i think regifting his own gift back to him wouldn't solve the problem ;)

[magid.livejournal.com]

I can think of others with small short-term memory...

[magid.livejournal.com]

I guess I am not enough of a snob for many consumer goods in general, so while I can well imagine a duke wanting gold for his siddur (as it were), I'd just be happy to have such a beautiful one. Hrm, though I'd think it would be trickier to daven out of than a printed one, in the long run. (Have you seen the Moss Haggaddah? Gorgeous, but meant to be looked at rather than used.)

off-topic

Totally unusual. Yeah.

Arisia: Ah, well. It would've been cool to meet in meat space and all, but there's always next year, when there's the possibility of no big work project in February... (Next year in Boston? Hm.)

[bitty.livejournal.com]

so, do any of them need a cribbage board?

[magid.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I should start asking?
:-)

I know my brother plays cribbage... *grin*

[cellio]

Hrm, though I'd think it would be trickier to daven out of than a printed one, in the long run.

The heyday of books of hours came before the printing press. I don't know how long the transitional period was -- when you could get a printed edition but hand-painted originals were preferable.

Some of the surviving books of hours show obvious signs of use, though, so they weren't (always) just for show. There are cases where you can tell where the user routinely kissed the page (usually on a cross -- these are Christian books), because the paint has been sort of smudged away in a way different from the wear of the facing page rubbing it.

(Have you seen the Moss Haggaddah? Gorgeous, but meant to be looked at rather than used.)

I don't know that one. Does it exist in facsimile, or is pilgrimage to a particular museum required in order to see it?

Speaking of being off-topic, happy bath day! With bath day and the first day to pray for rain and a snowstorm (according to your weather), you've got a real wetness theme going today. :-)

(Next year in Boston? Hm.)

:-)

COBOL

[cellio]

I was somewhat surprised and a bit annoyed when, in 1994, I was assigned the task of documenting the COBOL interface for my company's high-tech, C-based, forward-looking product. There were still enough potential customers out there using COBOL that it made sense to do that work...

(The reason I was annoyed was that this forced me to learn COBOL -- at least enough to understand our APIs so I could explain them to others in the COBOL user's frame of reference. The language was pretty cumbersome, especially for someone coming from the relative terseness of C.)

[magid.livejournal.com]

I was thinking of calligraphed v. printed books now, not really in historical context; of course, before the press, you took what you could get, and even after, the cachet of hand work and detail has a lot going for it (especially compared to some of the early complicated German fonts in use :-).

Moss Haggaddah

It was orginally commissioned; I don't know where the originals are, with the guy who paid for them (Moss? Or is that the calligrapher? I don't know.) or in a museum. However, there have been books printed with facsimiles; I'd assume some library with a biggish Judaica section would have a copy.

bath day

A wet day, indeed! Happily, the snowstorm isn't starting until late tonight, so it won't get in the way of Shabbat prep :-). 3-6 inches are predicted, of wet snow, too. It ought to be interesting... At least I won't have a commute in it. Happy geshem-ing :-)