Rosh Hashana 5770
Sep. 21st, 2009 02:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magidGiven the timing for dinner Friday night, I didn't make it to services first. Instead, I got dressed up, foolishly wearing high heels for the walk over, which did enough of a number on my feet that I chose sneakers for the rest of yom tov. Otherwise, dinner was lovely, with friends I don't see frequently (some are not local), delicious food, far too much alcohol, and men in tuxes. What's not to like? :-) There were enough kids that it wasn't a late night, which was great, since I'd been working on a sleep deficit all week, and it was stressing me out. Bonus: a while back I'd taken on a task I haven't yet finished, and it had been weighing on me; the person I got the data from let me know it was fine, which lifted a noticeable amount of stress (perhaps enough that I'll stop avoiding it... stupid brain set-up).
Shabbat morning, I walked over with friends to the Div School for Tehillah's services (same room as for Purim; it's a lovely space, with old paned windows, lots of wood paneling, though there's only one door, which can be a bottleneck). We got there before things started, so I was able to snag the seat I wanted (up front on the outside, to minimize distraction and have a little extra room, since I stand so much of the time, plus a view out the windows of nice greenery). And the davening went pretty well. The tunes fit, or were ones that I knew; there wasn't a lot of delay at any point; the baalei tefillah mostly had their acts together. I did get the impression that the one leading shacharit hadn't spent as much time preparing this year as he has in previous years, but there wasn't anything actually problematic for me, just off his usual. The dvar Torah didn't inspire me, focusing on how we should be kinder in judging ourselves; I think I'd rather have heard about being kinder in judging others, frankly. Overall, it was decent.
After davening I collected my guests, and eventually lunch was had. The kids were reasonably well behaved (for them, anyway...), and I think everyone else had a good time. I was particularly glad a few stayed after most of the rest left, since an 8-person meal inevitably means I don't get the chance to talk with the people at the other end of the table much.
I'd thought about going to mincha-maariv, but by the time the last guests left, I didn't want to rush out the door. Relaxing at home, getting things back in order, felt necessary.
Sunday morning, I went to Harvard Hillel's ortho davening, this year held in the Charles Hotel, in the Kennedy Room. It was a perfectly adequate space, though not nearly so pretty as the room at the Div School.
However, the davening was excellent, totally suiting my mood. The professor who led shacharit (no one I'd seen before) was incredibly focused on the words and meaning, which made a huge difference for me. He was not fast, but it didn't matter one whit; it felt like this shacharit was truly prayed together, by someone who wove our individual pieces together into a community whole. I knew it would be different from just before barchu, with "shir hamaalot, meemaakim krateecha l'Shem," which I find incredibly moving, ever since we said it daily during the Gulf War. The shofar service included the first time I've heard a shofar sound that low (bass? not sure; it was a very long shofar, though), making my machzor tremble in my hands. Some sounds were steadier than others, but there were enough to let the wordless emotions fly upwards, especially that last tekiah gedolah (and kudos were especially in order because I know the baal tokeah hadn't done this in a couple of decades). Musaf was led by the same person who'd been at Tehillah the day before (he'd joked with me at dinner the first night that he'd have to make things more different, knowing someone else would be at both), who does a fine, competent job, working the timing (with birkat kohanim, especially) well, in order to get people out at something like a reasonable hour.
I walked to Brookline for a barbeque lunch, and ended up hanging out with my newly-arrived friends until after yom tov, staying long enough that the kids thawed, and we got to play in the park (though I didn't get nearly enough time on the swings...).
All in all, I think this is the first time in years I can remember not getting cranky about something during davening. I'm not sure how much of that is making it to services that fit what I want, and how much of that is mellowing out (so things are still noted as not ideal, but don't get to the level of active irritation). I can only hope that this continues (either or both).
Shabbat morning, I walked over with friends to the Div School for Tehillah's services (same room as for Purim; it's a lovely space, with old paned windows, lots of wood paneling, though there's only one door, which can be a bottleneck). We got there before things started, so I was able to snag the seat I wanted (up front on the outside, to minimize distraction and have a little extra room, since I stand so much of the time, plus a view out the windows of nice greenery). And the davening went pretty well. The tunes fit, or were ones that I knew; there wasn't a lot of delay at any point; the baalei tefillah mostly had their acts together. I did get the impression that the one leading shacharit hadn't spent as much time preparing this year as he has in previous years, but there wasn't anything actually problematic for me, just off his usual. The dvar Torah didn't inspire me, focusing on how we should be kinder in judging ourselves; I think I'd rather have heard about being kinder in judging others, frankly. Overall, it was decent.
After davening I collected my guests, and eventually lunch was had. The kids were reasonably well behaved (for them, anyway...), and I think everyone else had a good time. I was particularly glad a few stayed after most of the rest left, since an 8-person meal inevitably means I don't get the chance to talk with the people at the other end of the table much.
I'd thought about going to mincha-maariv, but by the time the last guests left, I didn't want to rush out the door. Relaxing at home, getting things back in order, felt necessary.
Sunday morning, I went to Harvard Hillel's ortho davening, this year held in the Charles Hotel, in the Kennedy Room. It was a perfectly adequate space, though not nearly so pretty as the room at the Div School.
However, the davening was excellent, totally suiting my mood. The professor who led shacharit (no one I'd seen before) was incredibly focused on the words and meaning, which made a huge difference for me. He was not fast, but it didn't matter one whit; it felt like this shacharit was truly prayed together, by someone who wove our individual pieces together into a community whole. I knew it would be different from just before barchu, with "shir hamaalot, meemaakim krateecha l'Shem," which I find incredibly moving, ever since we said it daily during the Gulf War. The shofar service included the first time I've heard a shofar sound that low (bass? not sure; it was a very long shofar, though), making my machzor tremble in my hands. Some sounds were steadier than others, but there were enough to let the wordless emotions fly upwards, especially that last tekiah gedolah (and kudos were especially in order because I know the baal tokeah hadn't done this in a couple of decades). Musaf was led by the same person who'd been at Tehillah the day before (he'd joked with me at dinner the first night that he'd have to make things more different, knowing someone else would be at both), who does a fine, competent job, working the timing (with birkat kohanim, especially) well, in order to get people out at something like a reasonable hour.
I walked to Brookline for a barbeque lunch, and ended up hanging out with my newly-arrived friends until after yom tov, staying long enough that the kids thawed, and we got to play in the park (though I didn't get nearly enough time on the swings...).
All in all, I think this is the first time in years I can remember not getting cranky about something during davening. I'm not sure how much of that is making it to services that fit what I want, and how much of that is mellowing out (so things are still noted as not ideal, but don't get to the level of active irritation). I can only hope that this continues (either or both).
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-21 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-21 06:41 pm (UTC)(Does this mean I have to find shirts with really wide collars?)
no subject
Date: 2009-09-21 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-21 07:21 pm (UTC)(abba = "father" in Hebrew)
}:->
Date: 2009-09-21 08:14 pm (UTC)Re: }:->
Date: 2009-09-21 08:27 pm (UTC)I still felt guilty that I hadn't really done any prep (cooking for yom tov is not the part I'm talking about, and that's always the part that gets done), but services helped me get over that.
And your timely observation about being the best me that I can be, rather than the me I think I should be (or that I think others want/expect me to be) helped.
I meant to comment on that...
Date: 2009-09-21 08:35 pm (UTC)Re: I meant to comment on that...
Date: 2009-09-21 08:39 pm (UTC)