It's a nice day for a (Mormon) wedding
May. 8th, 2006 04:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
magidShabbat afternoon was the ex-orker's wedding I'd been invited to, at the Mormon chapel in Cambridge (on Brattle Street, quite the nice area). It was... interesting, partly the Mormon bits, partly the feel of it in general.
We (current orker W. and I were the only attendees from the office) arrived a bit late, so we ducked into the chapel after most everyone was seated. It's a plain room, with brass chandeliers of a type that made me think of older shuls, oddly enough. Up at the front there were a bunch of raised seats facing the rest of the congregation; I assume that for regular services there's a choir or something. The raised area also had the lectern, but not the organ, which was in the middle of the main floor in front. I noticed a small partially glassed-in balcony above; not sure whether it's overflow space or something else.
The order of the ceremony was (Note: no clue how this relates to a Mormon temple wedding, at which I'd not be allowed to the ceremony):
I think the bridal party went to have formal photos. In any case, they vanished, and the rest of us milled around in the foyer. W. signed the guest register for both of us, then we found a corner that seemed a bit cooler to stand around. No one came up to talk to us, so there was plenty of time to catch up.
Eventually we noticed people heading to the room with the reception, called the "Cultural Hall of the Chapel" in the wedding notes. It was a gym, complete with wooden floor, basketball markings, and a hoop angled up out of the way. I was confused by the tables being numbered, assuming there was someplace with placecards telling us where to sit, but it was open seating. Most of the tables were already occupied, so we went to one that was still empty over in the corner. The DJ warned us that we were right in line for the music, but we didn't care, since we weren't planning to stay for much of the music.
The table we chose was #16, which turned out to the the last one to go to the buffet, so there was plenty of time to look around, even before the bishop and his wife and four kids sat with us. I felt very not-blond...
The tables were covered in two plastic cloths (one wasn't big enough), and had clusters of bottled water on them. The centerpieces were a dessert plate with a stuffed blue jay on it (the groom's name is Jay) that could make sounds. There were some ribbons and other bits of color as well.
When the wedding party reappeared, each person was introduced by the DJ as they crossed to the head table. I'd've hated doing that.
The bride had emailed me the day before, asking about which of three kinds of fruit I'd like, and telling me there would be crudites. I'd said any fruit was fine, and veggies are good too. What I did not expect: hearing my name, going towards the head table, and having the groom hand me three overripe bananas. I hadn't been through the buffet, so I had no implements, no plate, nothing. Just three very mushy bananas that had been partly broken off the hand. Er, no. I took them, but left them on the table. I appreciate the thought, but 0 points for implementation. There were crudites, so I had something to eat while everyone else did. (Which felt necessary more to not stand out than because I was hungry; I'd had lunch already.)
The bride and groom went through the buffet first (no one got food for them; yet another thing that struck me as odd), so they were done by the time everyone had gotten food (The food itself was what I'd classify as 'nice picnic': salad, bratwursts, lasagna, tortellini, cheese and crackers.), which of course meant it was time to cut the cake (a white cake, buttercream frosting, and whole strawberries on top). I've never liked that anyway, but it's that much worse with the "bride cuts the cake" song playing through five verses; it felt so juvenile. That segued into the first dance, the bride and groom doing an awkward box step in the middle of the dance floor. There were a couple of waltzes, then it switched to rock music, and W. and I made our early escape. We saw one of the bridesmaids leaving at the same time, which seemed a bit strange.
In fact, while the Mormon part was just different (less involved than the ceremonies I'm used to, less interesting), the part that felt really odd was how much the wedding didn't feel centered on the bride and groom. Sure, they were saying how much they love each other, and there were some sappy songs, but I couldn't see any of the intensity between them that I'm used to at weddings, nor did I see them being emotionally the center of attention. People went along enjoying the party, not the wedding, as it were. I got the feeling that most of the people there were because it was a congregational function, not because they're close to either party. And to be fair, I'm not close to the bride; we worked together for less than half a year, and haven't been in touch since (the invitation was sent to work). I got the impression that she's not got a lot of people she's close to, which is why W. and I went, to support her. We two were lost in the two hundred people there, outsiders watching what felt like the forms of a classic 50s wedding, but without the soul. It's not good to leave a wedding saying "I hope she'll be happy..."
We (current orker W. and I were the only attendees from the office) arrived a bit late, so we ducked into the chapel after most everyone was seated. It's a plain room, with brass chandeliers of a type that made me think of older shuls, oddly enough. Up at the front there were a bunch of raised seats facing the rest of the congregation; I assume that for regular services there's a choir or something. The raised area also had the lectern, but not the organ, which was in the middle of the main floor in front. I noticed a small partially glassed-in balcony above; not sure whether it's overflow space or something else.
The order of the ceremony was (Note: no clue how this relates to a Mormon temple wedding, at which I'd not be allowed to the ceremony):
- prelude, an introduction by the bishop who would be performing the service, welcoming everyone. He's got one of those very smooth voices that makes me wonder what the speaker's selling, and how shady it is. Tanned, too, and perfectly white teeth; it was just too package perfect.
- greeting
- invocation, which was a rambly statement of hope that things would be lovely today, that they'd have a happy marriage, and so on. It was a bit odd to me for the specificity of some of the requests, and as it ended in "in the name of our lord jc", I would not be saying amen. It also struck me as strange that all the best wishes for the couple were being said before the two were in the room.
- processional (with a note that we should stand as the bride enters) with lots of people, including parents, two flower girls, a ring bearer, a best man, three bridesmaids, a maid of honor, and of course the principals in the event.
Fashion notes: all the bridesmaids had the same short-sleeved, scoop-necked empire-waist satiny dress; the maid of honor was in gold with a dark red sequined fabric thing (not a tie not really a scarf, definitely not a hair band), while the rest of the bridesmaids were dark red with a gold sequined thing. I rather liked the dress (though not the sequined thing, but then, sequins are not my style). The best man was in a tux with a dark green vest; the groom had the same outfit but a dark red vest. The bride wore a dress with a fitted white bodice with silver bits on it, spaghetti straps, tulle skirt with a train, and a (faux, I assume) white fur shawl-thing tied over her shoulders. Too big for the lines of her dress, and not the right season for fur anyway. Jewelry, tiara on haircombs, and a veil completed the ensemble. - solo, a woman singing Schubert's Ave Maria
- marriage ceremony, which was each of them saying the vows they'd written (hers were taken from bits of poetry and rather sweet, his were mostly unhearable to those of us sitting in the back), the bishop saying the traditional 'love, honor, and cherish' lines, the exchange of rings, then the kiss. It felt... too quick. Not substantial enough, somehow. Also, the bishop used the word covenant to describe the marriage relationship, which distracted me: I think of covenants as a community thing, not individual.
- a hymn, "All Creatures of Our G-d and King", which was four or five verses long, sung with the organ accompanying, plenty of time to think about how this hymn book had the music in it, while almost every prayerbook I'm used to has just words, letting the person leading choose which tune to use (some things have many options, other just a few). At least the song itself was inoffensive, being more like what I think of as 'shield poetry', the description of an idealized world (thanks to my freshman UHUM teacher and the Iliad).
- benediction, given by a brother of the bride, more wishes for goodness to come with them starting life together in the community. Another opportunity not to bow my head and say amen.
- recessional, with directions that we should all stand, and we should exit by pew, front ones first. The couple came down the aisle, the bride waving her hand in a young queen sort of way that didn't feel quite right to me. Of course, there weren't people dancing them out or singing either, so it was all sort of strange.
I think the bridal party went to have formal photos. In any case, they vanished, and the rest of us milled around in the foyer. W. signed the guest register for both of us, then we found a corner that seemed a bit cooler to stand around. No one came up to talk to us, so there was plenty of time to catch up.
Eventually we noticed people heading to the room with the reception, called the "Cultural Hall of the Chapel" in the wedding notes. It was a gym, complete with wooden floor, basketball markings, and a hoop angled up out of the way. I was confused by the tables being numbered, assuming there was someplace with placecards telling us where to sit, but it was open seating. Most of the tables were already occupied, so we went to one that was still empty over in the corner. The DJ warned us that we were right in line for the music, but we didn't care, since we weren't planning to stay for much of the music.
The table we chose was #16, which turned out to the the last one to go to the buffet, so there was plenty of time to look around, even before the bishop and his wife and four kids sat with us. I felt very not-blond...
The tables were covered in two plastic cloths (one wasn't big enough), and had clusters of bottled water on them. The centerpieces were a dessert plate with a stuffed blue jay on it (the groom's name is Jay) that could make sounds. There were some ribbons and other bits of color as well.
When the wedding party reappeared, each person was introduced by the DJ as they crossed to the head table. I'd've hated doing that.
The bride had emailed me the day before, asking about which of three kinds of fruit I'd like, and telling me there would be crudites. I'd said any fruit was fine, and veggies are good too. What I did not expect: hearing my name, going towards the head table, and having the groom hand me three overripe bananas. I hadn't been through the buffet, so I had no implements, no plate, nothing. Just three very mushy bananas that had been partly broken off the hand. Er, no. I took them, but left them on the table. I appreciate the thought, but 0 points for implementation. There were crudites, so I had something to eat while everyone else did. (Which felt necessary more to not stand out than because I was hungry; I'd had lunch already.)
The bride and groom went through the buffet first (no one got food for them; yet another thing that struck me as odd), so they were done by the time everyone had gotten food (The food itself was what I'd classify as 'nice picnic': salad, bratwursts, lasagna, tortellini, cheese and crackers.), which of course meant it was time to cut the cake (a white cake, buttercream frosting, and whole strawberries on top). I've never liked that anyway, but it's that much worse with the "bride cuts the cake" song playing through five verses; it felt so juvenile. That segued into the first dance, the bride and groom doing an awkward box step in the middle of the dance floor. There were a couple of waltzes, then it switched to rock music, and W. and I made our early escape. We saw one of the bridesmaids leaving at the same time, which seemed a bit strange.
In fact, while the Mormon part was just different (less involved than the ceremonies I'm used to, less interesting), the part that felt really odd was how much the wedding didn't feel centered on the bride and groom. Sure, they were saying how much they love each other, and there were some sappy songs, but I couldn't see any of the intensity between them that I'm used to at weddings, nor did I see them being emotionally the center of attention. People went along enjoying the party, not the wedding, as it were. I got the feeling that most of the people there were because it was a congregational function, not because they're close to either party. And to be fair, I'm not close to the bride; we worked together for less than half a year, and haven't been in touch since (the invitation was sent to work). I got the impression that she's not got a lot of people she's close to, which is why W. and I went, to support her. We two were lost in the two hundred people there, outsiders watching what felt like the forms of a classic 50s wedding, but without the soul. It's not good to leave a wedding saying "I hope she'll be happy..."